So it was with the understanding that there was no D on the table and the two of you would resume as usual after a period of time? Or did the two of you perhaps a different mindset? Was it actually agreed upon, or did you assume their would be a reconciliation?

Their have been several LBH's who have been told their WAW's OM was only a male friend. So don't be too shocked to find out this is the truth for your W.

If you are primarily supporting your W financially (even paying for her beauty shop appointments?) then she could have more than one reason to keep her separated life as private from you as possible. I'm not digging for something to make you feel worse, but this stitch is very common here on the board.

Be certain that you understand the definition of boundaries and how it works. An ultimatum and a boundary are not the same. Your boundaries are not used as a means to control her.
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Just b/c you say something is a boundary doesn't mean she is going to honor it. In other words, don't throw that word around thinking it will stop her in her tracks.

I think you will be tested more. Stay close to God b/c you'll need strength.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!