Wow.....it's everything they said it was....and worse.
If anyone wants insight into the thought process and text conversation with a double-standard, MLC H who is not wanting to be my H AT ALL, lying about his own "extracurricular activities", but not wanting me to date anyone, here ya go. Comments and advice are welcomed and encouraged!!! Ugh.
It's a long, circular dance, but if you read H words, I believe you can follow his MLCer thought process a little....
The setting: Neither of us acknowledges any current ow, although he knows I found out at S in May, we both act as if she's not around but nothing said either way.
The scene: H trying to find a time to see me, wants to see me sooooooo badly in the moment today while texting me from work, then realizes he already has "plans" for tonight..... Me, getting a little perturbed at the thought of being squeezed into his many many ow bookings....wanted H to hear I may not be standing forever. (I'm not quitting, but I used the opportunity to plant seeds.)
He's not even al dente cooked.... Seared, maybe.
Here's the convo:
H. How about tomorrow? Saturday I am going on a fishing trip with (work vendor). It might be Monday if not tomorrow or today
M. I'll see how tomorrow goes
H. Ok. You busy tomorrow?
M. I did have plans but I'll think about it
H. Hot date? Nevermind it's ok Not my business
M. What about after your dinner with dad tonight?
H. I don't know how long I will be so it is hard to plan It's ok if you have plans.
M. I don't tonight just tomorrow night....
H. I got that
M. If you happen to get done with your dinner early, lmk?
H. Tomorrow is important?
M. No Debating
H. You said you had plans. I figured it was a date or something good for you
M. It's social yes Getting out is good Right?
H. Dating thing?
M. No I'm not dating
H. I know you arnt but usually social involves guys and dating potential... I shouldn't be asking Sorry
M. You are right. There are definitely guys. There is dating potential. But, I don't want that now by choice.
H. Then why go? Nevermind Sorry I'll stop
M. lol it's ok I go because I have fun:).
H. Ok
M. Or I don't go if I don't feel like it idk I'm not going to sit home alone every night right?
H. Can I ask what?
M. Ask what? Oh what I'm doing?
H. Yes
M. There is a group going out and meeting tomorrow after work for dinner and then hang out at a house after.
H. Ok your being ambiguous and that is okay.
M. It isn't super important
H. I get it You should go
M. I'm considering blowing it off but idk I mean I like getting out and being social and not sitting around. But I also don't like that being nice and smiling and talking gives off an impression that I'm interested so it gets discouraging sometimes Not that it matters to you It's not the evening that's important. It's just trying to get out and have a life
H. It sounds like a dating thing
M. It's not a dating thing
H. Social meeting thing
M. Not for me It's just a group Not a hookup group
H. It's ok really
M. I'm not interested in dating anyone. Zero. I do like the attention. But that's just superficial anyway It's not what I want.
H. It must be important. So there is more to it. But that is ok. Not judging you. We can plan on Monday
M. Tomorrow is not more important than being with you, for sure. There isn't more to it.... other than the fact that I realize you don't want a relationship right now, and I have to accept that because that's what you need. I truly want you happy. I'm just trying to get out and make a life for myself.
H. It's ok if that makes you happy then you should do it.
M. It doesn't make me happy. Thats not where real happiness comes from, going out.
H. Then why go? I'm confused
M. I can easily not go and cancel. I would do that for you if you wanted me to spend the evening with you. You are most important and you always will be to me. I just feel like, in a way, I would be canceling people that want me there to be with someone who doesn't want me... Am I not correct?
H. I am very much enjoying my time with you. I am confused tho. It sounds like a group dating social thing. People want you there. You enjoy the attention. You say it doesn't make you happy. You must be getting something out of it if you feel compelled to go. I can't tell you what to do. And I have no right. It just sounds like there is more to it. Is it a sex thing?
M. I'm sorry it's confusing. The biggest thing I'm getting is the confidence that I know I can have a life, and I will be ok whether I'm single or not. Again, I completely accept and respect your need for space away right now. But I don't want to be single and I won't be forever. That being said, I am nowhere near wanting anyone else. Not even close. Yes, the attention is nice. But it doesn't fulfill me. Even if it was just sex, it wouldn't be fulfilling, no matter how good in the moment. Without love and intimacy it would be empty. Besides, I don't want sex with anyone else. That's just my choice right now.
H. So it is a social dating thing?
M. It is not a social dating thing, no.
H. I feel like I am pulling teeth lol. Clearly you don't want to give detail.s it's ok I won't ask and it's none of my business. I'm sorry I was digging.
M. It's ok, really:). All you would have to do is say, "Shining, I want you to cancel your plans and spend Friday with me" ...and it's done. No teeth pulling necessary, lol.
H. The pulling teeth was finding out what the group was.
M. Oh... I'm sorry. I misunderstood.
H. Shining, will you cancel your Friday plans and spend the whole evening with me?
