"Me: Dont forget about football game on saturday. H: I know I may not be able to stay whole game. Me: We need to drive separate cars, and why not? H: need to get ready for work, get something to eat,,,, Me: Come dressed for work and bring something to eat or eat at game."
Be careful here, 2. This sounds a bit like mothering. If there's one thing the MLCer really hates, it's being questioned/told what to do.
I get it. You want to know what the heck is going on. You want to make sense of what he's doing, the choices he's making. Sometimes, that's just not possible.
I remember one time, a little over a year post bomb, H came to me with this ridiculous story of how he was going out with his brother, but then he was going to spend the night over a friend of his brothers - someone he'd never met before. It made absolutely no sense. It had ow written all over it. I of course did ask him questions about it.
Urworthy and Job both gave me the same advice - just let him be. That the more I questioned him, the less he would hear me. He would only think - "There goes TVS again, blah blah blah...".
Let him do his thing, you do yours.
The anniversary thing is tough, SO tough. Special occasions and holidays are difficult for them, a reminder of so many things.
Our first anniversary post bomb was our ten year. We did nothing to celebrate, I think he hung out with ow.
I left him a card on the kitchen table to open with no one around. He did thank me later on.
So if you want to acknowledge it with no expectations, you can. See how you feel. Know that just because he doesn't acknowledge it, doesn't mean he forgot. He just can't go there right now.
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
