Yes, sometimes a famous person's death makes us reflective and come to a few realizations on our own.
You ask:
And if you truly love someone, is there really any harm in telling them that? Is there really any harm in apologizing and asking for what we want?
Yes and no. I say yes because you are operating on high emotions and timing is important in DBing. Why do you feel this URGENCY in making amends and apologizing to her NOW? It is a false deadline in your head. Sit with this discomfort and continue working through your issues. It is coming from a place of "neediness" instead of from a place of "strength" which is how and when I sent my apology letter to Ms. Wonka.
From my own perch, I see that you are nowhere near that place yet, DB.
But as long as I'm holding out hope, I'm really not able to do those things. I'm in a holding pattern. I'm paralyzed.
That is absolutely NOT true at all. One can have hope and continue with their life. For me, I will always have a glimmer of hope in my heart that Ms. Wonka will drop kick the OW and reconcile with me. However, I just simply got on with my life by GALing and just let Ms. Wonka be. That includes dating other women. Of course, I would! It's been 10 years since Ms. Wonka moved out of the house. I digress.
The main point I am making here is that your LIFE doesn't just stop at a standstill just because you're continuing to hold on to hope. How wacky is that thought process??!
So, in my letter to her at the end of the month, I plan to apologize and ask her very directly if there's any chance of reconciliation. I want to put it on the line. And if in the deepest corners of her soul there is truly no chance of reconciliation, I probably need to ask for no contact. Because the hope is keeping you stuck in a place of unbearable pain.
Again, you're operating on a vapor of your own emotions. Sit tight and work through them. It will all pass.
I would hope you will post your draft email to her here for feedback before you send it off to her. We can assist you with this process and save you untold trouble for unintended words or statements.
And life is too short to live like that.
If you really do love her, you'll learn to cultivate patience. I'm reminded of a quote by Toltsky: Patience is the virtue of strength.
Bond waited out 4 years before his wife decided to reconcile with him. That's something, isn't it?
