2.5 Months After D-day...and I wait

[DBinSF]

So, the other thing that tests me and my patience is the idea of mortality. The passing of Robin Williams this week, the fact that my mother fell ill and spent the last four year days in the hospital with a pulmonary edema and congestive heart Failure… It reminds me that life is short. And if you truly love someone, is there really any harm in telling them that? Is there really any harm in apologizing and asking for what we want?

This is been an emotional week for me. Okay, it's been an emotional three months. I'm coming to the point where I realize that I've put my entire life on hold hoping that at some point I'll be able to work this out with my fiancé. Yes, you've all told me I need to get a life. You told me I need to do a 180. But as long as I'm holding out hope, I'm really not able to do those things. I'm in a holding pattern. I'm paralyzed.

So, in my letter to her at the end of the month, I plan to apologize and ask her very directly if there's any chance of reconciliation. I want to put it on the line. And if in the deepest corners of her soul there is truly no chance of reconciliation, I probably need to ask for no contact. Because the hope is keeping you stuck in a place of unbearable pain.

And life is too short to live like that.