MY TRAGIC WAW STORY PART III

[ItHurts]

You know Mr. Bond...your words have been echoing in my head throughout everything these past few days with WAW. Because of that I am taking anything she says with a grain of salt...thus my "show me" attitude. I came to realize that after all the pain I went through that first month after the bomb...there's really nothing WAW can do now that could compare to that. She could up and leave for FL tomorrow and although I would be disappointed, I wouldn't be hurt that terribly as I was. The difference is I know I can be happy without her, I have had many happy times during my long periods of NC. I love seeing my old friends so much now, I enjoy going out every weekend, I enjoy my new place, I enjoy seeing my parents and family more than I used to, I enjoy being able to flirt with ladies now instead of refraining, etc. So although I would LOVE to have WAW come back, I just don't think she could ever hurt me again to that degree. In fact, my gut feeling is she will indeed probably go through with the FL move. When I say I am happy that she's torn, I mean to say that I am happy that at least I am a factor now, that if she leaves she will leave with us on good terms. Before the past couple of weeks, she thought I was gone forever and that I swore her off. 18 years is a long time to separate and be bitter. I guess that's what I'm happy about, that there is still a lot of love between us because it would be shame if we hated each other after spending nearly half of our lives together.

So I wouldn't say I am setting myself up for a fall...instead I would say I'm preparing myself for the fall...putting on my helmet, my knee pads, and elbow pads so it doesn't hurt when it happens. I am not optimistic so I am prepared to accept it when she leaves...and that's thanks to the fact that I GAL and I have many other things I enjoy in my life now that don't include WAW.
I am just giving it one last effort to save things since she is being receptive to it all for the first time. However my expectations are that she will indeed leave and I prepared to accept that. I planned on giving up on her completely anyway once the move happened so either way, I am ready for whatever life throws at me.