1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Ok- lets forget about writing and rewriting emails. I can do that. Lets just get to the core issue:

She's basically implying she can't get a job until the D is finalized because she is counting on government support to assist with the costs of day care. Originally she had talked about this being at the start of school but she had no clue the time lines on the D. Realistically it could be 6 months or more as she doesn't even have an attorney yet, she is on a waiting list for up to 2 more months to find out IF she gets an attorney appointed (since she has no income this is a government service).

Meanwhile I had originally told her I would continue to provide through the process to ensure the children were cared for. I am willing to make sacrifices to do this. But I'm not sure its the right thing for me to live in someone's basement for 6-9 months and assuming 100% responsibility for her financial needs.

I am concerned that she is taking advantage of my good nature, and also trying to force me to make the decisions so that she can blame any hardship on me. I don't see any effort on her part. And while I am prepared to be more than reasonable to be a good person and invest in our co-parenting R, I don't want to set the precedent that I will give her everything she wants, dismiss my own needs, and tip toe in fear of her reaction or with delusions of avoiding the D. Being 100% accountable and blamed as well as living in fear of her anger and criticism were both dynamics in our M that I want to break free of and 180 as well. Without being a bad person.

Any thoughts? Should I hire a L before discussing? What's the best stance in general, and what tone should be used?