Stimulus-Response: The Experiment Continues

[BrightFuture]

I was only thinking about the difference between ending a relationship for the "right" reasons:
* impossible long-term compatibility: personality/values/temperament
* different goals for the future: children, religion, money, family, location, employment, lifestyle
* real deal-breakers, abuse, neglect, serial infidelity, addiction, violence

I could list location, employment, lifestyle as the reasons for my H to bail out on me.

As opposed to:
"I'm not IN LOVE with you any more/we've grown apart/I have OW/OM."

Well this is too, except he didn’t have OW.

As for your H, I have had others end relationships with me, and I have seen that cold, door closing behavior. The eyes get dead: "it's over", it's clear that it's final and that's that.

For some men, that's how they have to do it.
Serve it to you ICE COLD.
Because they need to harden their hearts to hurt you.
It's not ABOUT hurting you or getting even, or cake-eating, or making YOU pay. It's just time to cut losses and move on.

And you just described my H again.

Now, I’m sure there is an internal conflict. After all we were together for 17 years.
And I get the same from my friends and family too, that there is nothing that would make H change his mind (he convinced our friends about that) and I just should move on like he did.
I hope you are right about him going nuts internally. He is one of these calculating types, and if he quits something, he does it cold turkey way. I think he miscalculated this one a bit though.

Sorry for rumbling.

I think it is good that you didn’t send the e-mail. I know how what is going on through your mind, I’ve been there. I call it spinning. Who knows why he doesn’t want to come this weekend. It might not what you are thinking. He might need some time for himself. You know how much we talk on this board about them pulling away after some “closeness”. Two steps forward, one step back. This is what might be happening here.