I think there's a lot of wisdom in the idea that he's unlikely to have changed, especially at this point. I've been willing to acknowledge and work hard on my issues, but he's seen nothing wrong with anything he's done, and views himself as being the only one who's put in any effort. I'll readily admit that I neglected my marriage, too, and that there's a lot that I could and should have done differently. I've seen none of the same self-examination from him, though.
This suggests to me that he's not looking at himself and will still be the same person who avoids responsibility and puts the blame for issues on someone else. And, even if he's making changes like losing weight and getting a job now, he's doing those things for himself and because he has to, not because he's invested in working together with someone else to build a life together.
Gah, this is so familiar I could have written it myself. Are we married to the same man and he's leaving us both? .
My h says he's working on himself but I have a feeling that means he's dwelling deeply on all my wrongs and how broken he is from them (which I understand because I neglected our marriage, too). He's a proud over-thinker (he thinks this means he's working on himself by thinking about his pain constantly) but he's profoundly negative which certainly does not help the situation. His life is hell, his wife is a b!tch, he is just waiting to die, he hasn't been happy for years, hates our home, and is overweight because of me.
It's a tough burden to be SO at fault for the demise of our marriage.
. 