Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Wow, that was not very fun at all.

I will try to give a good play by play of the conversation. We sat on the sofa in the living room after the kids went down. W was pleasant all evening, making small talk, etc. so I was feeling pretty positive.

She started by asking how I thought things were going, how I felt about the current arrangement (in-house separation, trading weeks in the master bedroom). I said I was doing pretty well, that it wasn't a dream come true but that I was good with it for now, that I have been making some good progress in personal development and feeling happier. And that I am still committed to the M.

She said "this is not working out for me at all, I am very uncomfortable with the situation, it is not good for me or the kids. When you were out of town last week for several days it felt so much better, getting to sleep in the bed and the kids all getting to sleep in their beds, D7 especially slept so much better. I can't do this anymore. Right now I cannot live under the same roof as you. I will suggest again that you move out and live somewhere nearby, that I stay her in the house, and we do a Real S."

I was obviously disappointed, but I stayed calm. "I am story to hear that. I am still committed to the M and I want it to work. But I have already decided that I am not moving out. If you need to then I will be sorry but I will respect that decision."

W:"But I don't understand why you draw that line in the sand, it seems like you are just being stubborn and trying to prove some point. Like maybe you really want a D but don't want to be the one to file so you are pushing me to the brink where I have to file for D? Don't you understand that your moving out and letting me and the kids stay here is what is best for the kids? Their world revolves around being with me and being in this house. Whatever happens with the M, I will still be the one picking them up from school and spending the afternoon with them, so my having to move out of this house will rock their world more than anything."

Me: "Having their father move out will also rock their world."

W: "oh I know that. Please know that whatever happens I think you are a great father and I value and will def protect you relationship with them, that is so moorland to me. Sorry if it seems like I am not valuing that. But can you please explain why it is in the kids best interest for you to stay here and for me to move out?"

Me: "it is just a decision I have made. I am committed to the M. I have no interest in moving out of my house, where my family lives. If you need to move out you can do that."

W: we are in this together. We are both in this R, and we both made it what it is and got us to this point. So you can't just push everything onto me.

Me: I totally agree, we both contributed to the difficult place this R is in right now. But I am still committed to the M. If you are in a different place and want to make a different decision that is up to you.

W: "But i am telling you that it is my decision that I can't live under the same roof as you right now, and that the only way we can move forward is with a S, and it is in the best interests of the kids for you to move out. Basically you are not willing to discuss a S, so you are just forcing me to have to file for D. Do you want to have some big nasty D fight over the house, that will cost a bunch of money in legal fees?"

R: I have no interest in D. And if you choose to file for D I have no interest in a nasty fight.

W: will you please at least consider again in the next few days whether it would be better for you to move out?

R: I am sure I will consider it some more, but I can assure you that I will not change my mind.

W: but you aren't explaining why.

Me: I am sorry, I don't think I am going to be able to give you an explanation that will satisfy you.

W: do you understand that you are leaving me no choice but to file for D?

R: I am just making my decisions, you have to make yours.

W: Ok then. [She starts playing with her phone; I get up and say "ok" and head up to my room. A few minutes later she texts me that she is heading next door to hang out with her best friend for a while.]