On the brink, need a miracle

[Train]

Baby steps, OG. Babyyyyyyy steps. This is a *marathon*. Not a sprint.

She is now leaning towards marriage counseling. She asks why her feelings toward me are returning and she wrote down: He is not making me angry on a daily basis. He is not badgering me. He is moving on with his life.
Pay attention to this. She's telling you (okay, okay, her *journal*, but still ...) what she's finding attractive about the new OG. Those are the things that are making her THINK about staying in your M. So keep.doing.them. That simple.

But it also says that she could stay in the marriage with one foot and still look, so could my husband.. She still cannot think of any answers to "what did I love about my husband". We were together for 30 years, how on earth can she not remember what she loved about me?
Rewriting of marital history ... AND her opinion is clouded because there was apparently a duration of time when you weren't meeting her needs and/or being the man with whom she fell in love. Just be HIM again.

I have been gone for 5 days and the only contact I had was to let her know what flight I was on today. When I got home we just said hello and not much more.
Don't put too much stock in this.

I'm a woman. And if I had cheated and felt entitled to have cheated because my H wasn't meeting my needs - and if I wanted my H to believe my cheating was all because of HIM because I'm feeling entitled and slighted - and if my H appeared to be moving on with his life and wasn't falling at my feet, begging me to stick around - I'd probably pout, too. OTOH, if I had cheated and my H pursued me constantly and begged and pleaded and called me every day he was out of town, I'd probably view him as pathetic. As a man, I think I'd rather my W pout because I'm being strong and resolute than look at me like I'm desperate and pathetic.

Don't get all sappy on us, OG. And don't be losing hope just because this thing isn't moving at the pace you wish it would.

I'm seeing some positives in your sitch. I think you see them, too. They might not be BIG changes. But look at the progress that's been made!

If I want to save my M then I need to let go of my urge to control her. I need to focus on becoming a H only a fool would leave.
Yep. You got it! And I think you're doing great!