I have spent most of last night and this morning reading through other people's sitch's on here and I made note of the small stuff,, the small signs that the tide was turning in their sitch's, and I had a look at mine. I have noted that I am not so reactive to h himself, I vent more on here and to my best friend, I have become better at blocking out the negative and focusing on what is going right. I spend a lot less time crying (though I still have my moments) and when I do I do my utmost to keep it to myself.
Some of the small things: h listened when I told him one of the things that s7 didn't like was when he was with either one of at night after the twins had gone to bed, we on out phones Fb texting etc. H made a point of telling me last night he hadn't been on his phone at all while s7 is still up (as have I) 5 hats a great thing.
H sends a text at least a couple of times a week in the middle of the day just asking how my day is.
He has started to do small physical touching things, a hand on my hip as he walks past, a rub on the back, an arm squeeze.
He sends a text/ photo of something the kids are doing or something he found (a lizard in his kitchen the other night!)
last night was family night, and it went well, we had a bit of a dance in the kitchen before dinner with the boys and they loved it, it was light and fun and family!
while the boys were in the bath, H said the we're sone days that were harder than others missing his dad, and I said while I n know how much I missed his dad, I can only imagine how hard it would be for him, this led in to a convo about his brothers and how one only rings him when he wants something and the other is not talking to him at all, I agreed with him that I knew how hard it was and then h pushed me about whether I knew why the one wasn't taking to him, and I simply ssad it's because he feels hurt that h lied to him about the a, that his brother had the same thing done to him and I thought it bought up a lot of issues for his brother.
H then got defensive, I De escalated (huge for me I usually go straight into drama mode!) and said if he really had problems with the way his family were acting then he needs to tell them, deal with or truly let it go. It was at that point h said that he didn't care that he was pretty content right now. bit of fluffery on his behalf, if truly content, these things wouldn't even be mentioned.
As h left( and knowing he's meeting up with ow) gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said have a great night, cheeky I know, but it's still a 180 for me, and I know that has started to notice that change.
so this is where I am, I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing, I'm a helper by nature,II'm going to do what I can to be there with out compromising who I am and what I need to do.
