Part of me wonders if I am all the things they said?? Am I crazy? Am I unkind? Am I lazy? Etc...
Nope, Nope, Nope.....and Nope.
Heather, take a deep breath. This too shall pass.
I am sorry you are so hurt right now. There is a chance that your mom and sis just want to help. They may be frustrated and just want you to do things the way they would. It sounds like they have a strong opinion of how they think things should be. We learn through our experience to see things with eyes wide open. We learn 180s, to do things differently, to put ourselves first, to go against the grain. That can be very difficult for others' to understand. It can particularly difficult for friends and family who think we should be doing things a certain way, or their way, or a way we used to.
There is a chance, Heather, that they feel insecure with who you are becoming. You aren't the same woman they knew, and change can be difficult for some. You are independent, you are doing things on your own, making important decisions, being a single mom, possibly moving away. These are huge! They may not know how to handle that. There is a chance that maybe they, particularly your mom, who is struggling with her own relationship sitch, feels badly about themselves because you are making changes to be better. It seems like your mom may still be caught up in the cycle, not knowing how to move forward.
Unfortunately, it can be human nature to knock those of which we are envious. Maybe they aren't envious, maybe they are, but I do think there is a good chance that they just don't understand, because it is not the "norm" for them. They may do things differently--- cheeseless tunnels! This could make them insecure.
And if they are talking to each other, maybe they are feeding off each other and it's being projected onto you... again, because of change, insecurities, whatever...
Heather, you know you are making steps to improve your life and that of your children. You are making your daughters very proud. I think that you should be proud of yourself, too. Don't get caught up in the drama of your mom's r. If your mom's stbx is not a positive influence in your and your daughters' lives, why waste energy on him? I know it's difficult because it is family, but you will need to find where your boundary is with this. You can keep that happy positive attitude that I have seen here on the boards with them, and call it a day. You don't need to get into details with them now about your choices. Maybe once they can respect your boundaries. But for now, don't be afraid to simply say, "I'm a work in progress. I am doing the best I can making the best decisions I can for me and my girls. I appreciate your concern, but I don't want to discuss it. Have faith in me that I will do the right thing."
Heather, what I have seen here is that you have been a strong, kind, positive woman. You have been here to support others. You have your feet planted firmly on the ground. You have excellent goals set before you. Even through tough times, you haven't wavered. I know you are working towards having a productive, happy, fun life and there is nothing that Smokey or any other family members can do to take that from you. This is what it is all about: Removing yourself from the negative energy; Remembering what steps you need to take for you; Setting boundaries with things that are/are not acceptable in your life.
You can do this Heather. You have made it very far. You are amazing and don't ever forget it.
