M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
You already know why this wouldn't make sense, which is why I didn't spell it out for you. It's also why you asked first.
No pursuit. No pressure. And do nothing that will hurt YOU in the end ... or give you expectations.
Light and breezy, sister. Remember: while you're asking H about work, HE has no idea you've been wringing your hands over it. This new mdu-in-front-of-H isn't heavy or burdened with the worries of the mdu on these boards. (And, by all means, give US your worries and burdens here so you're not showing them to H ... that's why we are here!) You have the opportunity with him to act like being light and carefree is actually how you're feeling ... even though it isn't.
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
What does the status of the H and OW have to do with doing a 180? If she withheld sex before and didn't initiate and it was a big problem for H, then offering would be a 180 that would throw him for a loop. I'm not saying she does it all the time, but just throwing the bait out there to see if he takes it wouldn't be so bad. Plus if things were riding a positive wave, you increase the positive interactions slowly.
If, however, he has sex with her AND OW, then there's a problem. We don't know for sure if he's seeing the OW or not.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If, however, he has sex with her AND OW, then there's a problem. We don't know for sure if he's seeing the OW or not.
^^ Yes, it is a problem. We just don't know for a FACT that H is having ongoing contact with the OW. I would rather err on the side of the caution here.
mdu doesn't seem to be the type to blindly go into something. I think she could handle it. Plus, because her anger was a big issue with her H, showing a "softer" side might help.
Just my 2 cents.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Honestly, I suspect H would reject me if he were having sex with OW. Our sex life had slowed down quite a bit before he got involved with OW. During the A, it came to a halt and for the first time in our 10 year relationship H started rejecting me. He just does not do 2 well.
So I kind of agree with MrBond. It would be a 180 since I used to reject him a lot and I think it's low risk if we actually do it and probably a strong sign that he's not sleeping with her. The real challenge for me would be if he rejects me, then I'll be even more freaked that he's gotten back with OW but again without real hard evidence.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
