Road to happiness....Part 2

[ye21]

I will post here better MrBond, maybe somebody will get benefits from this.
Many here had a great marriage, worth fighting for it and I encourage everyone to fight for it and not accept D.
However in life are different situations, I understand how it seems like I dissapeared, I moved to Hawaii and spent all this months since may 1st paying my debts, I have only a small more payment to do in and old electric bill and thats it.
So one of the goals and my changes its been acomplished which it was been responsible and pay my debts.
And many other more goals, I dont smoke I am way more calm and I actually listen to people, take the advice that my guts tell me to follow and the ones I dont find usefull I discard them.

In my relationship I lied, about trivial stuff like I was a cyclist but the fact is that I lied, so I understand how my exwife felt about it and it was something to put work on, sessions of therapy have been able to identify the problem and correct it.

When I started working here in hawaii I had problems at my job, I though nobody liked me and actually hated me, so my response was to give attitude, I always had the need to respond back and could not take criticism or orders from authority figures, my day at work was miserable everyday and I tought it was the job.... It wasnt, it was me so working on STFU and realize that others hace a different way of see things has nothing to do with me in a personal level really changed things completelly, I love to go to work now.

So basically:
No lies
No disrespect
No egocentrism
Not believe that everybody its attacking me
Take care of myself

One of the problems that my exwif said we had in the relationship is that I didnt support her career, I understand how she felt about that and today I will not show those patterns.
My therapist helped me understand and be compassive with myself and realize that I have first to analize how things affect me, talk about them, and change whats the outcome so it doesnt affect others. At the same time I have to realize if something hurts me and I need the other person to change their approach its equally respectable for them to realize they have to change that.

So if somebody makes fun of you and it makes you feel bad, I am totally able to ask them to stop doing it, if they dont change it, its enough reason not to have people like that in my life.

So MrBond yes, things have changed, I could not be as proactive here as I was, now I am more time balance in my life and I have the chance to stop by and help others.

Its important for me today to call things by their name and yes I was with an emotional abuser, no matter my changes, that person would not change their outcome. So better to get off of people like that.

I am and I did correct most of the issues present in my life, things I didnt like from me and things I didnt like in general, and still no compasion from a person who married me once.
Its hard to explain what I went thrue to keep my greencard, even when I decided to pay back the IRS and emailed my exwife about her bills so She could even get some money back in this last year taxes I received not response.
I had to declare my taxes and her taxes this year without W2 forms due to being kept from her and not been mature enough to just sent them despite it was on her own benefit.

I did things in my relationship that I dont like? Yes, I lied to her about that and didnt went to her play, but I call things by their name today. Untill the day she asked me for D I had no idea how affected her that I didnt went to her first play, for her was wnough reason to call it out.
I supported her many other times and I was just meassured in that relationship by my mistakes not by my pro points, so I trully wish her well.
I am not walking in eggshells with nobody else no more, thats for sure.

I am being educated by my therapist in what a healthy relationship is in general, in every single aspect, silent treatmenst are not healthy, makiing fun of somebody in front of others its not healthy and so the list go on.

In my next relationship I will not have the liying, not the not support in BOTH WAYS and certainly not the past issues.
My intention recognizing that my exwife was an emotional abuser its not to put her down, just to call things by their name and realize that there is a point where not everything can be put on the shoulders of one.

Everyday of my life I ask my friends and family even my therapist what they see in me that I can change, and when I truly believe that its making me unhappy I work on that.