Let's dissect your second draft, buddy. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Over the past few days, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and honest reflection of our marriage and specifically, these past 11 mos. I've looked to God for answers and believe that I'm being told to continue fighting for us.I would suggest to leave God out of this. It could come across as sanctimonious to your wife...whether you intended or not. It is what it would look like from her POV.
However, with that being said, I refuse to continue living in an open marriage. Should you decide you are unable to end contact with OM and commit to building a new relationship with me, I will move forward with initiating a divorce. We will continue to have a relationship with respect to the children that is civil, but I would like to cease all other communication. ..'but I would like to' ...comes across as weak. As you know, inserting 'but' usually negates the preceding sentence.
So, are you willing to end all contact immediately and begin to take the necessary steps to build a new relationship with me? She's not willing. You might want to re-think this approach and make it a bit stronger. She needs to see that by not ending things with the OM, this...that...will happen. "are you willing"...suggests cooperation rather than making a decisive decision.
Please take time to think about this and let me know either way by Monday morning...' how about closing this a bit stronger? Please take...gosh! Just say, you have until Monday at noon to get back to me with your answer. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I would also work something in there that you are willing to work on the M alongside with W if she elects to end the affair with the OM. No where in the letter do you say this. I think it is very important to communicate to her that you are willing to do this. She needs to see and hear it from you.
