There is a book called "Runaway Husbands" by Vikki Stark, that describes the cold and efficient ways some men suddenly up and leave a marriage for good.
One day they are loving and attentive, the next they completely pull up roots, walk out and never look back. They almost always have another relationship lined up, and have been spending so much time planning their future without their wives that they do not consider themselves to be in any kind of relationship with their wives.
So it's done. Quickly. Coldly.
Typically there is no dance, no back-and-forth.
But it didn't really fit an MLC situation (much less my situation) where the MLCer expresses remorse, expresses blame, tells you he's going to file for D, then never files for D, or in my case, actually files for D-- and then let me know he had to cry afterward because I "pushed" him into it.
The blame is possibly the worst part of the MLC. Betrayal hurts like a mother, but to be blamed for that betrayal... it's abusive.
And to validate/affirm their feelings, that's the most difficult part. Affirming their feelings, without agreeing with them. Validating them, when no validation of your own grief and turmoil is forthcoming.
Well, no validation other than, "You know, I'm hurting, too. I'm losing my best friend!"
M:54, H:55 T:33, M:27 12/13 BD: EA 01/14 BD: PA, H leaves 03/14 H & OW break up 05/14 H says he will file for D 08/14 H initiates D 09/14 H wants to R 12/14 Still bungling our way through R
