Hi GG, I got the same stuff from my W. It got so bad that once she said that she HAD to leave me because she "hated the way I chew my food"! I got I watch too much TV, I DIDN'T go out enough with my friends without her, that she had to "find my joy" and of course she couldn't do that with me around, even though I never once stopped her from trying new things and even backed her doing things without me.
I once asked her outright what she would tell a friend who was doing the same thing she was, ending her M and breaking up her family for the reasons she says. All I got was that deer in the headlights look and the good old MLC scow (the one you get when they know you're right and hate you for it). I so avoided R talks with her and when she started them I would just say "IMO, It's not me and not your M that is the problem", that way I didn't have to say what I really thought...that it was her MLC issues that happened long before I met her because that would be the last thing she'd want to hear! At one point she said "It's not me and not the M..I'm going to put that on a T-shirt!". What did she want from me? I think what she really wanted was ammunition to use against me. If I said it was her issues from the past she would have just said that she didn't feel this way until now, etc. If I said it was her depression/anxiety, she would say she was never depressed before she was M to me (yeah, and she never was depressed before she lived in TX or had kids or owned a small dog, what does that mean?).
When the MLCer is still in replay, no R talk will make a bit of difference. If they are open to what you say, 2 weeks later they won't even remember the convo. anyway, If they spew, it will be all those things that they spew that they will remember and just reinforce us as being at "fault". Even if we were able to tell them exactly what was going on and what the real problem was, they would hate us for being right! (nothing an MLCer hates more than LBS being right about anything!
The hallmark of MLC to me is that NOTHING that they state as a "reason" they must end a M would be a deal breaker in a normal mind! Part of them understands this, hence the holding the fingers in the ears and saying "La, LA, LA"!!
