It's been awhile since I posted to you, and I've done what I could to catch up (you have some looooong posters -- including YOU! -- on your thread! ).
No, I don't think you can really issue ultimatums when he's not yet (by any means) asking you "What will it take for you to take me back?" It's just not the time.
BOUNDARIES, yes, but listing your DEALBREAKERS, no.
I would not confront him about the porn or the internet searches. I would -- as the Good Book says -- "hide it away in your heart" and use it for future reference, if needed.
I don't necessarily see the porn searches as an issue per se, if you two had a frequent and healthy sex life during that time. I also know that men and women often look at this issue very differently. But looking up local ladies nights?? Different issue -- and obviously a problem.
I can only tell you what I'd do if it were ME. IF serial infidelity would be a dealbreaker for me (and it would be), I would do whatever I needed to do to find out the truth about what my spouse had been doing the past few years. DBing is mostly a "no snooping" stance, but MWD herself advises to use a keylogger on a spouse's computer if you need to find out if there is a sexual addition or online EA going on. I would find out, once and for all, and then plan from there.
I'll try to catch back up as I have time.
Hang in there; you're getting some great advice from Train and the others.
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