I think this is partly out of compassion for others, but I also think that it's likely a way of (subconsciously?) rationalizing your objection to him seeing other people. If it's harmful to someone else, then you aren't against it just because it affects you and your family. It makes his behavior more objectively wrong, not just a personal offense to you.
I may have missed an update in your posts, but did you communicate this boundary to him yet? If not, I would sit on it for a while before doing so. As Meghan said, it's important to know not only the boundary but also what you will do when the boundary is crossed. You don't necessarily have to communicate the consequence to him, but I think you will need to be prepared to act if the boundary is violated. If you're not ready to do that (either because you don't know what the consequence will be, or because you're not quite ready to take that step), then I don't think it makes sense to lay the boundary yet. It will be bark with no bite. I do think that you should communicate the boundary to him at some point, though.
Yes! The bolded part, awesome. And it's not just you Maybell, it's most of us. I still struggle with I'm Worthy, dammit!
About the boundary, I'm not sure which one we're talking about here but (long week and it's only Weds)as I said about the dating issue, if you won't file, why bring it up.
Let go.
Last edited by labug; 08/13/1403:06 PM.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
As long as you're being true to your needs and your values and aren't using your actions as a guise or to send a message, how he takes it is how he takes it. That's his to deal with.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
As long as you're being true to your needs and your values and aren't using your actions as a guise or to send a message, how he takes it is how he takes it. That's his to deal with.
A friend called me this morning. Her mother died a couple of weeks ago after a very long struggle. And I was strangely grateful for what I've been living through the last 13 months, because I understood how to show her compassion and support. Whereas before, however kind I may have wanted to be, it might have been a little bit of an act because I'd had so little pain in my life. Today it was heartfelt. I have been made better and I am glad.
Not that I'm going to write him a thank you note or anything.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Maybell, Im sorry to hear about your friend's loss. And I'm glad you were able to support her. I totally agree with you-- if he hadn't left me, i would not have made such great progress on myself... and I definitely would not have known how resilient I am. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And it happens to at least half the people who get married. That says something about how great my life has been. Knowing we can survive...and thrive... pain is so empowering, isn't it?
Maybe a thank you note that is for you-- thanking yourself for having the courage and strength to get to where you are?
