I am so glad I read your responses early this morning because as d and I were getting into the car to take her to camp, h showed up "to get his sunglasses". I decided to stay detached (that's hard when you see each other all the time) and was cheerful, friendly AND, taking your suggestion jacket, thanked him for the orange juice and his thoughtfulness. He seemed appreciative of my gratitude.
Originally Posted By: Jacket
I'm wondering, if you try to set firm boundaries over this will he maybe feel controlled or emasculated? Was that one of the things he complained about before? As long as what he's doing isn't upsetting you or making you uncomfortable or somewhat untrue to yourself, then maybe it's ok to just see where things go. He's being confusing, sure, I totally give you that! Not sure what his love language is but if he likes words of affirmation, you could make a big deal about how thoughtful it was he noticed you're out of OJ and brought some over.
You're right!! I DO NOT want to emasculate him or make him feel unwanted or unloved. I'm finding that shutting up is my best method of not emasculating him. I'm trying to give him the chance to grow into his manliness. What man doesn't want to feel like a hero? So, I am trying to find his hero moments and chose to see his bringing us oj as a hero moment. What a truly kind gesture.
The rest of the stuff is awkward but not painful, I don't think. Time will tell.
I can tell he is struggling. He didn't look good this morning, like he didn't sleep. I don't want to pursue and I don't really want to be his personal therapist where he vents how hard all this is on him. What is my role here? Any thoughts on that?
Thank you ladies for chiming in with your stories about your Hs and their moving out techniques. It made me smile no came just in time for me to rethink my actions.
Big Mac, it IS cake eating but given the belittling and condescension and emasculating I dished out in our marriage, I need to tread carefully with boundaries. I won't let him walk all over me but tortilla chips and spoons certainly isn't allowing him to walk all over me.
