H and I took the LL quiz back in 2006. You could likely guess that he scored highest on Physical Touch and WOA. You can also imagine, then, how we ended up back "here" this year. I withheld sex (I didn't want to be with him) because he wasn't meeting MY needs. (How ridiculous and stubborn, looking back, that *I* was the one with all the "tools" to get our R back on track but was too self-absorbed to use them!)
Anyway, I actually greatly appreciate the tip on complimenting him - especially publicly - about his competence. That's great stuff!!
It is SO outside my comfort zone to praise people. When someone praises me, it makes me want to crawl in a hole. It's just not my thing. And it's been super-hard for me to provide it to others. I've always said: When I praise someone, I'm afraid they then feel they have to live up to some expectation that I have of them instead of living for themselves. What's it matter if *I* am proud of you when all that matters is if you're proud of *yourself*?!
It was my brother who pointed out to me that people think differently. And he NEEDS to hear "I'm proud of you" from the people he respects most in life.
So I've tried to do better. But outward praise is sometimes still kinda forced from me. And I don't know WHY. It's easy for a friend. Why not for my family members?
M: 40 H: 44 Married 14 years S11 & D6; D20 & D19 from previous M 2BDs/PAs, 8 years apart Piecing: April 2014
