Take these broken wings and learn to fly...

[chasingpavements]

Wow, thank you so much everyone. That has really given me a lot to think about and ponder. I am always so overwhelmed when reading the responses. I feel like I just need to think about some things and stew it over, because in the end I am not really sure what I need, or what will give me closure. I do know that I just need to put this all behind me, and move forward. This is just another bump along the way.

CP, no matter where we are in our journey, finding out something like that hurts. I am so sorry.

Thanks UR <3 Yep, it's true! I was caught so off guard by his telling about this new development,and it does hurt. I thought I was ready for it, but I wasn't. It would have been easier, IMO, if he had been dating someone else, but this seems to sting more.

Mighty, thank you so much for your response. A lot of what you wrote really resonates with me, as I feel the same way about OW and the children. This is new for me and I am still getting used to the idea of my children being around her and her family. I am sure this will open up a whole new set of scenarios/situations that I will have to face, and it's hard to have to deal with that on top of the separation.

On the other hand, some of the stuff I have found out has helped me. Nothing in particular, I guess, has just answered some questions. That keeps my mind from spinning.

I am tending to lean toward this idea, of perhaps just getting a few of the puzzle pieces so that my mind is not spinning/reeling. I tend to overthink things, and analyze things to death. My mind really wanders. And I think that not knowing is going to bother me. Of course, knowing won't be easy either, but at least I will have an answer. And for sure I don't need to know the torrid details!

You know the truth, we know the truth, she probably knows the truth but your STBX does not know the truth.

Reading your response really hit home. Yep, I know the truth, I can feel it and I just know. Just like I already knew the whole time, as it was going on, it was intuition. No matter what he said, I could just tell. He says things now like they were just friends, and that they had talked about our marriage problems (ugh!!). He said they went on a 'date' while we were separated back in October. Funny cause he never told me that when he wanted to reconcile in November! ha ha. Whether he wants to admit it or not, there was clearly an EA, and I realize that. So I guess that doesn't need to be discussed with him. I guess all I really want to know is whether they had PA while we were together. And he probably wouldn't own up to that either! :P

"I have realized that it was not meant to be between me and my stbx. We were not compatible."

There is no such thing as people being "meant" to be. That's just a fantasy. The same as compatibility. What is important is the effort that is made in a relationship.

I agree, MrBond. (although I do feel that certain people are better suited for each other, for sure!) I was a great wife and mother, and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with him. I would have worked through any of our problems. He had other plans though, and left me, not once but twice. I had DB'ed my little heart out to no avail. The 2nd time he left was when I decided it was time to move on. And it was after he left this February that I did a lot of reflection about the relationship. And he did not treat me very well during our relationship. I fully own up to my mistakes and have done a lot of reflection about that as well, and made a lot of changes within myself. I do feel that I will be much happier without him.

Well I have a lot of things to think about ,thank you so much everyone!
<3 CP