good to hear from you too. it's so pleasant this morning- i know i'll get kids in afternoon- so can enjoy the quiet contrast in morning. we all need it - don't we? the good and the bad.
i find that if i don't think or talk about "it" - it isn't soooo stressful in life. now that my mom isn't around to worry about- another person's life - a person that can't take care of self -
i can't get my brain to get all serious and worried about almost anything. myself included. my non-existent future- but then, hey, isn't that what buddha and EVERYONE says? tomorrow may never come? for the moment anyway (i don't want to get tooo above myself) i am able to just cruise and not think.
as a past , big time- lifetime member of worriers anonymous- it feels nice. i do worry one little bit(ha!) tho that what if it stays and i just give up worrying forever??? what will happen- if i am not "planning" or whatever worrying signifies????
not sure whether to rejoice or begin worrying again. i can't even believe i'm sayin that out loud- worryin about lack of worryin. didhja ever?
me stopping that rite there. interesting thing -last two nites - didn't wake up in middle of nite as usual (brain wanting to worry or sort thru junk - JUNK) - instead WOKE up at about 4:3o a.m. and just told self go back to sleep- can worry in the daylite. and my brain actually listened to me and did. then when day comes - if i'm well rested i can just shove it over and not think about anything for anotehr day. i'm geting alot better at it. hope it sticks when i'm back in nj- i can't even think about that either- just no thinking going on here.
oh well huh? i'll take it. thanks for stopping by- i've been a bum lately about keeping in touch here. i forget how busy life gets when other people are around and in it- much better tho - to be totally distracted and busy and doin what i oughta....
hope you are good too. is your summer going okay and are you enjoying it?
the detachment thing- where does it all lead? where does it all end? can't figure- can't address it - i haven't got a clue "what i want " out of life - i've got a much better idea what i don't want. i'm pretty wide open on what i want it to be. who i wanna be - idk??? i'm pretty sure i'm just gonna be who i am- i do wonder WHERE tho, i have a big urge sometimes to just go find somewhere ELSE - Somewhere lovely or exciting or something like that. there are soooo many charming places in the world to be & see. but i'm pretty darn happy in my own back yard too -. oh well huh? now i'm a charter member of confused but "even" (at the moment anyway) I'm grateful to have the ability to be all zoned out -honestly. see what i mean bout h - and me havin this life that i could not in my wildest dreams afford to provide for myself ?? idk man- .
okay - gonna go sew something or something pleasant and think about it alllll tomorrow (SCARLETT)
