Here's the thing: the pain doesn't go away if you give up. Seriously - what happens when you say out loud, "I quit." Nothing. You still hurt.
What happens when you step away from your relationship without saying "I quit." Just step away from it. Do something for yourself. Get a life. You feel a little better. And you haven't given up on anything. See?
Detaching may feel like you're telling your wife, "I quit," but it's not. Detaching is for you. It's a chance for you to get some space away from the thing that is causing you pain. It's a chance for you to get out of your head and into the things that make you feel happy and alive. When you are happy and alive, you are a better version of you - and that's good. It's good for you, and it may be interesting to W.
And working on the things that made you not so great of a spouse/person before? Well - you should do that anyway - whether or not your relationship survives.
Does this make sense?
Don't give up. The pain you feel is understandable and real - we all get it. But acknowledge it and then figure out how to step away from it into the light. Do it for you.
