I admire the way you have handled yourself through all of this, you deserve to have something good happen, you really do.
I can sure sympathize with your sitch, my XW had an OG and I just couldn't get over the hump with that until it was too late. had I been a little TOUGHER in the L dept..I may have saved my M, but too many "trying to convince" R talks and not enough simply LETTING GO did me in..I know better now, the last two months I've waived the white flag, and just flat out STOPPED contacting her, and now she's checking in more often..Anyway..
Quote: ..and the R talk is the SAME talk he has been talking...back to IF we get a D, and I am happy with OW...so, he is STILL with her..I was thinking he had maybe quit seeing her.
Well he is seeing her, which is why you should start to NOT see or contact him as much if you wan't to reverse your fortune..Same story I see a million times..He's got an OW, knows you want the M, he's on easy street until either the OW screws things up, or you make yourself scarce and dare I say it..start casually dating yourself..NOTHING SERIOUS, just let him know that two can play at this game..If you do that, then the load his squarely on his shoulders..OW or his W & family may be slipping away to...ANOTHER MAN. I know you'd probably never date LIKE HE IS while you're married, but seldom do you see a WA get nervous until they detect you're MOVING ON..perhaps into someone else's arms..
Quote: I said It is distressing to me that we don't even try.
Yes, I'm sure it is, but its equally DISTRESSING to him that you don't seem to GET IT when he tells you he's afraid there may be no "getting it back". You are instantly increasing your chances of getting an entirely different tune out of him if you start subtly AGREEING with him and maybe say..."you know H, maybe you're right, maybe we'll never GET IT BACK, I'm beginning to have some real doubts myself. As a matter of fact, I'm not really sure how I feel about this M anymore. I mean you seem so happy with this OW, and allthough I PREFER we work things out I'm wondering If I wouldn't be happier maybe FINDING somebody else too..." then just keep your trap shut and see what he says..He may say "you deserve someone better than me.." or he may react like many STUNNED WA's do and start to backpeddle off his stance that things can't work out, because he is a little nervous at the STRONG CONFIDENT NON DOORMAT..you..who all of a sudden just might not be WANTING him as much as when he was LOYAL to you..
Quote: He said she said she wouldn't wait for him to figure out if things we're going to work out with me. I said, well, I have waited.
I wouldn't have admitted that to him, WAITING is the equivalent of nailing shut your marital coffin. The OW isn't WAITING, she is acting w/confidence, she knows there is another man out there that is worthy of her IF your H doesn't want to commit..probably why he finds her so attractive and difficult to cut loose..She hints at PULLING away, he of course is not so sure he wants to lose her versus his W who he knows will be there no matter what he does..Wonder how things would change if you carried yourself similarly instead of waiting around..the flipside is that she pressures him back into your arms, but thats not likely because he says he was never really happy to begin with..Same thing I heard, and trust me it was NOT Alien talk..don't assume..take it on its face, if he says he's not happy, thats a HUGE red flag...
Quote: So did I screw up because he knows I'm here waiting? Will he keep me in limbo forever?
No way of knowing, he'll go with his gut and with his heart. i will say, you can nver screw up, by doing what I recommend to everybody..
Be & ACT HAPPY, NO R TALK, BE CONFIDENT, NO PRESSURE, LET HIM GO, WORK ON YOU, GET OUT AS MUCH AS YOU CAN..give him a reason to pursue you, because that OW knows how to handle him. She doesn't NEED him, she's strong enough to tell him that she's NOT WAITING and that of course is more of a challenge to him than what you're offering to him by unconditionally loving him when he doesn't feel the same way about you right now..
How can you make yourself as ATTRACTIVE to him emotionally as she is??
