I am afraid that if I let go, I will let go forever. I was so miserable in our R for the last year and a half. I didn't want it to end, it was fear yes, but still love as well.
I am important too though. I matter, my happiness matters, my problem is I want to fix her. I can't do it, but every fiber of me wants to run to her, and just help help help. It's almost like a character flaw, it's great to want to help others, but it doesn't help you. And that's it, I don't care about myself.
Things I really enjoy for me. Going to the movies, I have a huge imagination and love Scifi action stuff. Being outdoors is awesome, nice day weather wise, just being. Building and fixing things, anything at all doesn't matter. If I don't know anything about I will research until I can at least attempt to fix. I built a 12x20 deck on my home three years ago. I had never undertaken such a large scale task, at least not alone. By the time I was done I felt so much pride in my work. I enjoy reading James Patterson novels. I like being with friends. There is so much I really enjoy. I just can't get any of it to matter right now.
