I am sorry that this is such a blow to hear a confirmation that W is continuing her A with the OM. We all have been where you are and it is not the end of the M. As you can see, we have recovered from it.
Not sure why you are filing for D with the L if you still want to save the M. In order to protect the M, you're going to have to instill strong boundaries for your W.
Tell her that you're not willing to live in an open M and her conducting an affair is utterly disrespectful. I'd suggest that you visit Dev's thread in Infidelity to gain some pointers on how to achieve it.
It's time to get some backbone and put your foot down!
No more waffling and dithering on taking this very important step if you are still interested in saving your M.
