Maybell VI

[Maybell]

This morning I was thinking about pushing too hard and trying to figure out what's wrong with me that it was so hard for me to see that more clearly.

Then I was thinking about how messy it would be if he dated, and hurtful (presumably) to the third party.

Then I wondered why I would be more concerned about a small hurt inflicted on an unknown and possibly mythical third party than I currently am about the massive, knee-buckling scars inflicted on me and the kids.

Then I thought about how rough D11 was on me yesterday and how frustrated I feel at not knowing how to respond to her in a way that calms her and helps me feel confident about how I parent her.

I think all these things are aspects of the same issue, which has to do with my sense of confidence and worth. But I'm not really sure what to do about it.