1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

OK, I'll finish my above rant and ask a question. It has to do with a conflict about GAL vs. 180.

I am a top level pool player. When I was 13 I got into the game, decided I wanted to be a champion, and trained harder than anyone I know has trained at anything for about 5-6 years. Talking 8-12 hours a day, 365 days a year. I pushed through pain, fatigue, etc. Probably a combination of a passion/intensity, personality disorder, and defense mechanism (escape to a world I can deal with away from emotions).

When I was 18 I was one of the best players in my state and had a good shot at making a career of it. But I saw what those guys gave up. No benefits, family, retirement, etc. They are all broke and when their eye sight fails they have nothing but glory stories. I decided to give it up and try to lead a normal life. I wanted a good M more than any of that.

During my M, however, I still played. I thought I made family/work a priority, however I know that I struggled because there were times I would practice up for a big competition, and I spent 1-2 weekends/month on the road playing tournaments, etc. When the M got tough I would invest the time we weren't spending together into pool

It is such a big part of my life I don't know what I'd do without it, it feels like it's part of my purpose to bring my gifts into the world. In fact, it's almost my spirituality as it takes a 'enlightened' state of mind to play well, but unlike meditation or prayer you get PHYSICAL FEEDBACK to tell you when you're on the right path.

Fast forward to today and here's the question. I don't want to play pool as a defense to avoid my feelings and am not doing that. But when it comes to GAL...my natural inclination is to train and compete. Problem is it's not a 180 by any stretch.

I know I wouldn't quit if I KNEW my STBX wouldn't take me back, so it doesn't make sense to give it up. I have other 180s I'm working on and am growing in a lot of ways.

Is there a way I can continue to play and use this to GAL without having it seem like more of the same? Any suggestions on how?