Barrybran - [Insert Original Thread Title Here]

[Barrybran]

So I've had some developments and learning opportunities these past couple of days. Three nights ago, S7 had stayed up past his bedtime and when my wife asked him to pack his things up and go to bed, he protested. This has been an ongoing thing and I was fed up with this new nightly ritual as well as his general insolent behaviour. I felt my wife was allowing him to play her so I went in, firmly told him to go to bed and when he refused, I carried him to his bed. My wife was angry at me for interfering and rightfully so. I had to go and get some money out so I left the house briefly and when I came back, she had gone to her bedroom. She came out and we talked about the situation. There was no yelling though there were some emotions present on both sides. I felt that we had both expressed ourselves and listened to one another. We ended the conversation and I felt it was somewhat unresolved.

I had to work early the next day so I didn't see anyone until I got home from work. I hadn't really had much time to process the previous evening and for some reason, I felt like I needed space from my wife and son. My wife was quite jovial and maintained this disposition despite my obvious distance. I'm quite happy with how things turned out as I feel my wife could see I needed space and she left me to do my own thing, she looked after the kids and I didn't interfere until she explicitly asked for my help and she stayed positive and upbeat when previously she would shut down from me. I could also see she was more firm with the kids so while we didn't come to an agreement the previous evening, I feel like there was some progress on both sides.

Later that evening, my wife asked me to go through my things in my bedroom. Since she has finished working, she has gone through the house and shed and organised things. I thought it was quite strange that she wanted me to organise my things but I left it alone. The following morning, she asked me again as well as asking my opinion on the layout of her bedroom and space in the walk in robe. This time, curiousity got the better of me and I asked why she wanted me involved in this. She told me that she was preparing for the future. ie. me moving back into the main bedroom with her.

I was taken aback. We've been getting along but there has been nothing to indicate she wants to resume our marriage again. I felt uneasy about the prospect of moving back in and I asked her if this was a 'now' thing or a 'later' thing. She said she was preparing but had no date on it to which I was somewhat relieved. I told her that I wasn't ready and that our relationship needed work before I would be ready to move back in. It's nice that she's thinking of it and even preparing for it. On the other hand, I don't want to move back in as a matter of convenience; I want to move back in because we're working on our marriage and intimacy. I don't think I could move back in feeling like we're just housemates or friends. I did tell her I'd like to try bed-swapping, kind of like when we resumed dating when lived apart for a few months prior to marriage, before moving back in. I guess I feel that I want to be courted and court her too rather than her just saying 'ok, you can move in now'.

I worked last night and this morning and this is the first time I've been able to really process it all. I do feel like I need to express my feelings to her about our parenting and the bedroom move but I also feel the need to take some time and process the feelings myself. So far, all I've done is work and chase kids so I haven't had time to think.

I have a day off tomorrow. My girls have been driving my wife up the wall so I plan to take them out of the house for a while tomorrow. I will need to get into some uni work because it's been more than a week since I've done any and I am still well behind. Thankfully, there are two uni-free weeks coming up so I'm hoping to catch up in this time.