Yesterday I went through my storage closet. It's been on my mind for awhile to get rid of all things xw. This step feels important for me to move on as I am quickly approaching my 2 year divorce date.
Throughout the past year - I have thrown out letters, articles of clothing, and other small trinkets. All was done with relative ease thus creating a belief that I was ready to tackle the big things like my wedding photos, ring, and other things of great significance.
I was expecting it to be hard. I was prepared to cry. I was NOT expecting that emotional breakdown that occurred. I didn't cry, I wept. You know those movies where a person finds out a loved one died and they cry and moan at the same time - yep.. that was me.
And I was nauseous. Not the same as B-Domb. But there nonetheless.
And I was stubborn. Instead of putting that stuff into the trash, I consolidated it to one box. Gotta love the bargaining phase of grieving.
I still have the box. I have been given the opportunity to store it in a friends storage unit until I am ready to actually throw it out.
However the truth is that I don't know if I will ever be ready. I have fully accepted the truth that my marriage is over.... but accepting what is is a helluva lot different than being ready for what is.
But I AM ready to move on fully. And I'm not going to let this stop me. Not because I believe it will be worth it - caz I don't know that. Maybe I will regret burning my wedding photos.. it's hard to say.
But I do know that moving on for me... means actively choosing me. To stop having things in my life that hurts me. And as long as this one box exists - there will always be the chance I will experience pain like I did yesterday.
And whilst I am appreciative of it... I'd like to experience it as little as possible.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
