Dev ... thanks for taking the time and reading and giving me input .. its a huge thing for me.
You are absolutely right about the OM ... I know I need to let go of that and have been working on it .. easier said than done.
The mediation thing .. she had set up the appt after a small fight we had ... that fight it seemed she was pushing for and it very well could have been a big fight but I did not take the bait. Up till that point we were really getting along much better, she was sharing her work days texting me and things were actually going well .. then BAMM .. that meeting and everyhing flipped.
Since we have been getting along, but it feels so non connected. It kills me though I dont show it and would NEVER talk about it as I know there is no good that comes from it.
SO today I get my phone activated after the swim it took, I let her know and ask if she was taking S today, she confirmed and offered to pick him up which I was happy for as I could run errands and work a bit later. She TM me around 5 asking if I was ok and telling me she made him cookies I thought .. hmmm ok .. strange her asking if I was ok .. I replied about an hour later (180 as I usually reply right away) that I was good, just leaving work and told her she always made great cookies, our S is a lucky boy. and left it at that. Later she tells me S's sty is back and asks if we can take him on Saturday (Again .. strange, she wants us both to go) ... I told her she had a hair appt she told me about and I have my IC ... but I would reschedule and take him so she could still get her hair done (180 for me to offer and take S giving her time). She told me no .. I figured I atleast offered and left it at that.
Now the kicker and its bugging me ... about an hour later she TM me WAW "Whats the best way to describe me when I have PMS, Don't choke be honest"
I looked at that and was like .. hmmm
ME "Why?"
WAW "why do I ask? because I know I'm a pain in the ass but I also know that they shift quickly...you know it best and I'm trying to understand. So I know the trigger points"
So yeah .. her PMS tantrums are of legend .. I could never figure them out, now alot of times not to bad knowing what to look for helped me avoid the mines .. but the past few years she would go on really good ones. Not really knowing what to say ... and in my head (I know I know .. mind reading and let the OM go) ... but I am thinking .. why ask... so you can warn OM and he can benefit from this info ... or is this something she is working on .. or maybe its her way of admitting it was a problem in our M ... I just have no idea with the fog and the rollercoaster of where this is headed.
Me"Its not easy to describe ... I guess over the years I just accepted the pattern and tried to realize is was part of who you are"
WAW "describe it while taking out the emotion"
Me" Like I said I dont think I can describe it, its not the same every time, its usually different month to month, sometimes you are really irritable, other times its the depression that sets in ...never could figure out what would set one off over the other"
I am not sure I handled it correctly .. or not .. just strange she would ask that, no reply as of yet but she has not read the last text either ... letting it go and going to take a walk and focus on not obsessing ... an issue I have fought with for far to long.