Thanks Matt and Bea. I have an attorney of my own, as does H. Both young, and they know each other, here in the 'burbs. Not a concern of mine. I truly feel like H is carrying around a tremendous amount of guilt over OW and the way he dropped the bomb, and keeps saying he wants to be 'friends', that I think he will be fairly agreeable, that is, if I am agreeable. Someone said on this board recently that their MLC'r mimics their behavior -- true here. If I am really nice (ha, right), he is really nice, and vice versa. Come to think of it, our ENTIRE M was like this. And the magnitude of misunderstanding that comes out of it is incredible. H always thought he could read my mind. Still does. Anyway, I digress.
Bea, good points. I am certainly on a journey of my own. Have learned SO much about who I am this year, that I would otherwise maybe never have learned. I am beginning to think that the hurt just may run too deep to ever reconcile. Another quote I just read, about the 'hope dwindling away'. That's been happening for a year now, and I feel like I was on a boat, and H jumped off the boat and onto a raft one day, and has been slowly drifting away. I almost can't see him anymore now. Sad, incredibly sad. I don't think i will get stuck in the anger, it's just that I haven't actually dealt with that part yet. And the fact that I haven't gotten angry to his face - at all - makes me feel like it's still coming, and soon. It has to happen. I cannot just keep all this bottled up inside much longer. I can't help feeling that I will shed a huge weight once it happens. It's not like I'm planning it, but I just feel it all welling up inside now, where I've kept it at bay for so long. And then, I hope, I will no longer be stuck in that 'anger' place. Maybe then I can begin to move on, too...
Me 53, XH 57 M 20 (+1.5) years, no kids BD June '13 H moved out July '13 Confirmed long-suspected PA Feb '14 H filed for D Nov. '14 D March '15
