I guess that is kind of where they are too, Bug. I don't think my actions from them are getting a ringing endorsement, but at the same time they are trying to let go. My parents often speak of how XW hurt "the family" and broke the trust of "the family"....I don't know why, Bug, but those statements irritate me to no end, but I keep it to myself. I get it....their son got hurt....oh, and I did....badly...by her. But somehow I have been able to persevere, weather the storm, identify my role, work to improve and forgive. They, on the other hand, (mom especially) have not. My sister has gone as far as to say that she would like ME to come visit her house and family back in Indiana - but I can't if she is with me. Pretty harsh, huh? And not to air her dirty laundry but she herself has had an emotional affair or two over the span over her 14 year marriage and I would not be stunned if at least one of them turned physical. Just seems to be a clear double standard...ya know?
So Bug, I have really important question for you or anyone else in the piecing process (not to hijack) - and forgive me if it is personal.
Did you husband have to regain your trust again when you were reacquainting? Did that have to happen before things became affectionate of physical again? Did romantic feelings take time to resurface or did they never go away for you? We are spending a lot of time together and doing a lot of things as a family - but we don't really hold hands or anything...we just hugged for the first time last night (with another group hug this morning because I had to drop by before work with S). As I noted in my thread on the other board, my IC told me that women need to feel emotionally secure and safe before they feel physical or sexual and men need to feel accepted physically and sexually before they are comfortable being emotional or vulnerable. It's quite a paradox. And though I know that not enough close time has passed for there to be a 100% feeling of emotional trust, I can't help but have my ego bruised a bit because of the lack of affection -- it's almost like I look at myself and wonder "what's wrong with me? am I unattractive now?".
The irony is that while I was deep in the dating pool I really got validated and got my self confidence back after having it shredded during the D process. I really felt "attractive" and like a really good guy again. She is the only one that can stir the insecurities back up a little bit. Now...I know that it is ME stirring my own insecurities and not her - but it is a weak spot for sure. I was never, ever a big PDA or hand holder when we were together...and it was a problem for her. And now, that's all I really want...just to hold her hand. Funny how tables turn.
