What did we say about your stinkn' thinkin'??! It is very possible that H just simply went out with his work colleagues, not necessarily OW. Or could be his friends.
No more pursuing H in that manner. No good comes out of it at all.
What happened to the light, breezy, and confident MDU? Bring her back out in the sunshine!
But I also don't feel I can be someone who looks away if H is getting involved with OW again. I think this was a one time deal for me. I don't think I will really know for sure how I feel until I'm directly confronted with it. But last night, when I was snooping around I very much felt like 'ok, if I find something, I'm getting my ducks in a row to file D'. To me it just feels like it would be more deceit than I, personally, could ever overcome.
I've been avoiding things like looking at our joint CC out of fear. Which is actually not good, it's MY money too and if he is funding an affair - again - I don't think it would be wise to put my head in the sand. I think this is a bottom line for me.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I've been avoiding things like looking at our joint CC out of fear. Which is actually not good, it's MY money too and if he is funding an affair - again - I don't think it would be wise to put my head in the sand. I think this is a bottom line for me.
\
Then you should definitely monitor it -- after all, this is your family's (including your kids') money. But DON'T JUST JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT EVIDENCE.
mdu, I see you on the one hand holding a "______ would definitely be a dealbreaker" position (and I don't necessarily disagree with any of your dealbreakers, for the record), all the while you're NOT willing to, say, look at the credit card statement.
You're only driving your own anxiety through the roof.
I know, that's actually why I'm glad I finally took the plunge last night and looked at the statement. I think that was actually something GOOD that came out of my suspicion...it motivated me to DO something that you're right, I was avoiding out of fear. And finally felt like 'ok, whatever it is I'm ready to face this.' Now that I'm over the hump of looking again I will keep looking because I don't want to bury my head in the sand.
And, I agree that I need to not jump to conclusions without hard evidence. Although I posted my anxiety here that's as far as it went. I didn't say anything more to H (I actually texted back 'Enjoy!' when he said he was at the mysterious brewery). So I think overall I did ok in the end.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Another thing that I advise some people to do is have a trusted 3rd party do your intel-gathering, and only report to you if there are immediate threats to you, your finances or your health. Or you check it only, say, 1x/ month or some predetermined schedule.
There are lots of "gray" ways one can protect themselves between the black-and-white of "obsessive snooping" and "head-in-the-sand" naivete.
"I tried to call H this am to make a plan for him to come look at it today and he hasn't replied. I called work, cell and texted him."
Do you actually usually make that much of an effort to discuss something as simple as a lawn mower? Or were you doing this because you HAD to know if he was fooling around on you or not?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The lawn mower is stuck outside and it is going to rain (can't get it to start) so I really do need his help soon. Additionally, we've been trying to manage exposure of the kids to neighborhood events that they can't attend because they are with H. I was trying to catch H to see if he could come by earlier (before going to work) to deal with the lawnmower rather than later when he will have the kids and they will see there's a neighborhood party going on that they would have to miss. So it was a little more than just the lawnmower. And in the end it worked out anyway because H decided to take the kids to the neighborhood event.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I like the set schedule idea. I think it could get obsessive.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
