Hi labug! Yes that is true, we just ended up in an argument after the logistics. My fault, I got irritated about the whole thing and became a bit bitchy. And no, that is not who I want to be! Thanks for the reminder!
rppfl, you are so right. I wasn't happy before either. I don't want that back. Time to focus on the future!
H and I talked over chat today, he apologized for messing up and I apologized for being bitchy. Then we had a nice little chat about other things and made plans to meet for dinner later this week, possibly with some of our mutual friends as well. That will be interesting.
Along the lines of rppfl and labug's points, I have been thinking about what I want for myself and who I want to be in this situation. I am not so sure the true dark/ no contact is good for me. If I stay quiet and only respond in a neighborly or brief fashion, it is just not me. It just sounds bitchy when I do it. My way of talking to the neighbors is super outgoing and friendly. That's my personality.
Maybe neighborly NC is the best way for my H to miss me, but then it seems to leave us in a negative place. He senses I am being distant and maybe he misses me but he also thinks I am angry. Then he starts communicating with me in a guarded, scared and angry way too. That doesn't seem to be helping us on the way to getting back together.
Since DB is about doing what works, I'm going to try something slightly different this week and see where it takes me. If it fails, I will go back to a stronger NC.
This week I am going to try to be a fun, flirty friend. I am going to let my happy personality shine and showcase my 180s, my confidence and my independence in a positive way. I am also not going to pursue in any way. That means no contacting first, not responding right away (or at all), and not offering him help or asking to spend time together. Not talking too much and giving away all the mystery. Basically I want to portray myself as someone cool he would want to go on a date with. Someone open and friendly but not too eager or enthusiastic.
The challenge with this will be maintaining friendliness but not being too eager.
I'll give it a try and see how it goes. So far today it has been working, he is being very open and chatty. If I end up in the friend zone, I guess that is how it is.
I'll keep assessing and see how it is going, and change direction if needed. Wish me luck.
Hugs, Lisa B
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
My fault, I got irritated about the whole thing and became a bit bitchy. And no, that is not who I want to be! Thanks for the reminder!