I've been avoiding things like looking at our joint CC out of fear. Which is actually not good, it's MY money too and if he is funding an affair - again - I don't think it would be wise to put my head in the sand. I think this is a bottom line for me.
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Then you should definitely monitor it -- after all, this is your family's (including your kids') money. But DON'T JUST JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT EVIDENCE.
mdu, I see you on the one hand holding a "______ would definitely be a dealbreaker" position (and I don't necessarily disagree with any of your dealbreakers, for the record), all the while you're NOT willing to, say, look at the credit card statement.
You're only driving your own anxiety through the roof.
