Nitty in a Nutshell (Help! I'm in a nutshell!)

[Nitty]

Thanks for your comforting words, Caliguy and Ggrass. When I read your stories I feel the odd comfort that company provides in misery.

Would you believe our next mediation appointment is on our anniversary? We promised to stick to each other until death do us part and here we are, almost 30 years later to the day, undoing our promises.

TODAY'S PROBLEM:

I've noticed that his family continues to include me on emails about life events, but are not copying him.

As recently as 4 years ago, when he discovered he was left out of something, he would've laughed and said, "Hey, what am I? Chopped liver?"

But within the last 4 years or so he took on a blame mentality, saying things like, "They are purposely excluding me." And in the last 4 years or so I would've interacted on his behalf, like, I would've let them know to copy him, or I would've forwarded this information on to him.

Right now they probably are purposely excluding him. They weren't before, but they probably are now.

When he finds out, for example, that he wasn't included in a recent birth announcement email, he will see this as more evidence that I have "poisoned the family" against him, even though I have done nothing but defend him ("He's a good man! He's just going through a MLC!")

The new parents are two of his favorite relatives and he will be very hurt. I'm continuing to detach and not influence or "fix" the situation. I am hoping this is the right thing to do regarding the recent birth announcement.

I must let go of my former role as buffer between him and his family as he continues on the path he's taken. Right?

I should not control or influence how other members of the family interact with him. Right?

(I see that I have an overwhelming need for reassurance at this point in my life. I need to develop self-reassurance.)