Wife walked aways (two months ago now) new thread

[BigMac]

Labug

You nailed it. Being present is the one thing that I can control. For example, this week I'm up in Vail speaking at a conference. I'm with a bunch of friends, I have my son with me. There are great activities that are funded through the conference organizers.

Earlier this weekend we were horseback riding. Something that is magical and amazing, climbing vail ridge through the Aspens. I found myself getting sucked into my fear, my thoughts, my self doubt, and not intensely enjoying the fact that I am surrounded by amazing people and doing amazing things.

I wasn't Present. I was wallowing in my own guilt, and self loathing. I was letting my fear of the future interfere with enjoying how awesome today is.

Yesterday afternoon I was so done with that. I had a talk with a friend of mine here that new be before and after W left. She had a great perspective. While I had my fair share of the blame before W left, I have been the only one working on myself. I have been the only one there for the kids. BigMac2.0 is a good person, a person who improves himself. BigMac2.0 is a good person who doesn't need to be held back by the guilt of the past. BigMac2.0 is doing everything he can to be strong in the future. BigMac2.0 should be proud of who he is becoming.

I game my friend the biggest hug (she and her husband took me in for the first couple weeks after the separation where I was totally destroyed. That night (last night) I was sitting with some of the top minds in my industry actually being me again. Enjoying great company, and smiling and laughing. It was great.

I need more of this. I can't wait until my life is more settled (I have a place to call home, something that resembles normalcy). I can't wait till this is the rule, not the exception