[gan]

Thanks, Lisa. Yeah…I think I called it when I read the letter your H wrote to you (at that time I said I figured I'd hear something similar in the future).

I think I did ok…held it together at least. I just wish there were more opportunities to show my genuine interest in his perspective on things. But then this has always been an issue in our M. His best mate (childhood friend) told me - when he learned we were going to MC - that "it's hard for guys to open up about their feelings, and I think it is harder for your H than most….so you have your work cut out for you."

I did feel happy to see him….but I'm sad by the circumstances if that makes sense. Nausea hasn't set in yet but I did experience that early one so I know exactly what you mean.

I'm in a weird space right now. I don't feel particularly emotional about the situation…but still quite sure that I want our M to work out (=detachment?) I don't feel that swayed by his position, even as he reinforced it tonight (maybe I did a little in the moment, but I don't 2 hours later). I feel ok just doing my own thing…and remaining open to welcoming him back into my life if he choses to work on things with me. Maybe sometime in the future someone else will come along and change that path for me, but for now I'm steering the spaceship on the same course.