What to do when an EA involved?

[Hoju]

Update, more details about our talk.

I read somewhere that spouses really do know how to push buttons that lure their spouse into an argument and I feel I got caught on that trap. She wanted to talk about how to move forward with the separation, I feel I started out well by telling her simply that she would need to look into it and decide how she wanted to proceed, this is the point I should have walked away. She continued to push saying she wanted my advice and needed to talk about how we would split things up, at this point I said I didn't want to separate but I wouldn't fight her on it and she should talk to a lawyer. It was at this point she started to look really sad and would dangle reconciling just within reach and then pull it away and attack something in our marriage or about me. I tried to remain calm and tried to be sure to not beg or plead her to give us another try. I just continued to let her know I cared about her and was making changes for me.

She so badly wants my blessing for getting a divorce and i don't understand why? She says things like I don't understand how you were so blind sided by this? Which to me is shocking considering we had a great weekend at a friends cottage the week before and the week before that she was at my moms going through old family pictures to create an album for me.

She left for a drive after realizing we were just going in circles, this is when i made the above post. When she came home I appologized and said we should sit down and talk about the logistics, this was the hardest conversation i've ever had while keeping my emotions in check. After a long late night discussion about how to split up the assets and where she would go, she said she was tired and didn't want to think about it any more. I spoke to her this morning as she agreed that it would be ok for me to go to our volleyball league together, she knows how much i love playing. I asked if we should drive separate and let people know about what's going on and she said no we can drive together and not to tell anyone yet.

I'm now more sure then ever she has no intention of giving up the OM to give our relationship another go. I'm slowly coming to terms with that, I will no longer ask her to stay and help her with the separation papers if she needs it.

Thanks everyone for reading your support has helped me through by far the hardest year of my life.