[gan]

Just back from the BIG EVENT. Could really use some feedback and suggestions. Vets?

This is the first time we've had any contact in weeks (and first real meet up up since we separated). I greeted him with an awkward kiss on the cheek.

The first half was just catch up. The usual (how's work, how's family etc). He shared a little of what he was up to. On the whole he seems busy at work and just doing the same (surfing, ultimate frisbee). He's been sick with the flu a big chunk of the time. I tried to be light and PMA as I talked about what I was up to. Tried to mention the things I was doing outside work, since that was something that bugged him (me and my relationship with my work…something I am working on….for me). At one point I'm sure I caught him glancing at my finger and noting that I wasn't wearing my ring (I took it off just before out meeting…he doesn't wear his).

Then we went into deeper territory….His brother had a baby last week and there have been complications. I expressed my sadness at this and asked him to pass on my regards. Then I shared that my Uncle had passed away (came as quite a shock to the family). He expressed his sadness and asked me to send on his regards.

Then came R talk (he brought it up). He wants to forge ahead with separating our remaining bank accounts, paying off remaining joint credit cards etc. He said he feels sad about the way things are. Makes him sad seeing me. I asked "How so?"….then thought crap, validation moment…correction..."I mean I know what you mean, but I was just asking because I'd like to know what that means to you?" (not the best recovery). He elaborated a bit on the fact that we'd been together a long time. He said separation has been good and he's glad that I am happy. I said I wanted him to be happy to (which kind of acknowledged that he's not currently happy…even with us being separated). I agreed separation has been good - brought some new perspective. And then I did it….not sure if this was a poor choice…but I felt like maybe he was thinking I'd moved on and sometimes in the past he has said things that hints that he feels guilty about holding me back. I said something to the effect of "Just so you know….yes, I am doing ok…but my preference would be for us to find our way back to each other." He said something to the effect that he didn't share that perspective (maybe he said yet or right now?) He reinforced that he wasn't asking me to wait for him.

He asked about what my plans were re the rental house. I told him I planned to move at the end of August/mid-Sept and we had some discussion around what to do with the furniture etc. He asked me to be in touch when I firmed up dates and offered to help going through stuff. He decided to go before I had a chance to leave first. He did come round the table and touch my arm as he left.