My goal is to move forward with my life, mourn my loss, but I'm not ready to close the door on my marriage yet. I wish I knew how to stop loving him, I can't even be mad at him for what he's doing or done because I understand WHY.
THIS! This is correct.
The day after BD I went to work. I figured I could bury myself in work because no one is better at compartmentalizing then me. I was wrong. It turned out that every single thing I did- EVERYTHING- was in the back of my mind for my W. I just solved a problem at work, 'that's for you honey'. It was like my life was a love song I was singing just for her. And without her wanting my love I didn't know what my function was.
I met with my therapist on day 2 and told him about that. I asked how I could stop doing that. He said I didn't have to. He said it was OK for me to keep on loving her. He said to understand it would hurt to have that not accepted or returned, but it doesn't make you a bad person to love your H.
I wanted to bump this because we all are in your corner. Sounds like you have room to grow as we all do. Please feel the support we are sending to you. Use your lonely and sad time to read, study, and actively engage in these posts. Heck, I'm probably a bit lost and lonely right now so here I am. You know what, it's a pretty special community and I'm pleased to meet you. Hang in!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
