Matt, I admire your understanding of your W’s childhood issues, your patience and mature way to look at things. I agree and disagree with what you said. Yes, it was H’s issue to feel insecure and intimidated. Yes, nobody is perfect and spouses should feel safe to be themselves in a relationship. I didn’t do harmful things on purpose, but I could have taken H’s feelings into consideration in a lot of cases. The problem was that we didn’t know how to communicate our feelings in a healthy way. I hope I’ve learnt from this whole ordeal and I will be able to apply what I learnt to my future R, whether it with H or not.
Thanks for reminding me that H’s choice is H’s choice and not my fault.
Bright, don't beat yourself up about it. MLC definitely makes us put a spotlight on our r. Some things become so clairvoyant... things we didn't realize we were looking at through narrow eyes. Our field of vision definitely broadens as we trudge our way through this. There are so many things I think, "Oh man, I wish I didn't.." or "I wish I had..." "If only..." This is a learning process. But then I feel too, that jeez, I just wish I had known. If h felt this way, I would/wouldn't have..... Why didn't he just tell me?
I didn't intentionally try to push him away- ever. But remember, this would have happened regardless. The good thing is- we learned from this! Had this never happened, we would be much less knowledgeable. We didn't create this. We didn't want this. Yes, if we could go back and change things that we now know, it would be great- but it wouldn't have prevented it.
