Maybell VI

[Maybell]

I didn't really think that asking him not to date and telling him how I felt about that very firmly wasn't pushing his timeline since he said in the conversation that he was averse to being in a relationship but not to having light interactions with other people, including me.

The truth is, he said he wants me to like him and to respect him. In that case, he needs to know that my liking and respecting him will be VERY DAMAGED by his dating other women. It may be unreasonable, it may damage our chances at reconciling, but it is TRUE and it's important that he have that information. It's also true that I can say that clearly and concisely to him in an email more easily and calmly than if we were having a face to face conversation.

I'm kind of stunned that he was as responsive to me today as he was. I am truly OK with him where he is AS LONG AS he doesn't date other women. I also would really prefer to not do anything to the legal situation. There is less flexibility here than there appears to be in other states; whatever settlement we come up with for the legal separation is meant to be final for the divorce, if it occurs, and I would prefer to delay doing that for as long as possible. It's not like I can have my concerns alleviated and the legal situation settled on a temporary basis. I do have the process moving with my attorney, slowly, but I think it's better not to go down that road if we don't have to.

That said... yes, I can exist where I am for now quite happily and maybe my takeaway here is that when we go to have the conversation he talked about that I suggest that we agree to keep the status quo for 3-6 months and then revisit. He may or may not have a counter, but at least I can say something that gives him an out if he comes to feel like he needs it. I may feel differently myself by then.

I truly liked him personally so much better today than I have done in a long time... he was so much more mature, responsive, respectful... He was, in short, a guy I'd actually like to date, and I don't want to rush the process if it means short-changing myself of the opportunity to do that with him. Again.

I also, for what it's worth, liked myself better talking to him. I felt calmer and readier to listen. He apologized for not being in the same place in his feelings for me that I am in for him and I could hear it and understand kind of what he meant. He said he cares for me and doesn't want to hurt me. But he's got to do what he's got to do. And knowing what I do of him, I can see that that's true.

So I guess it was kind of pushing. But it's like the not being friends thing. It's coming from a true place.

Claire, with regards to your sitch... My IC has been advocating all along that I speak directly to my H, and that I use as few words as possible to get my meaning across because he's noticed that I'm... ahem... a bit wordy. And H loses focus when I throw too many words at him. So I'm trying that because, why not? So text and email work well for that right now. I look forward to reading your update, though.

Allons-y!!