The nuns also used to tuck the kids in tightly at night with their hands ABOVE the covers to prevent any sinning...
H has had claustrophobic stuff ever since I've known him; "weirdnesses" about the window being cracked, covers not too tight, don't touch him when he's sleeping, there's a whole lot of stuff. Can't breathe, feels stifled, trapped. ----------------------------------------
Add to this he got adopted at age five, immediately had his name changed, had surgery on both eyes where they also "restrained" him from scratching his eyes by putting his arms in long tubes so he couldn't touch his face. For weeks.
Then his father dropped dead in front of him, a stroke in his late 40's.
After that, H was alone with his mother, who had to go to work full time and he was left as the "little man" taking care of everything at home, dishes, laundry... It was just the two of them, and he was a very good son to her.
He did a lot for me that he used to do for her, and I know that's how he shows his love. Mom was a good woman, but worked hard to provide for him. She was MIA a lot. Early on he had to learn to soothe and parent himself. He learned that people are unreliable, they leave you, they hurt you.
No role models of love and marriage, no physical affection, he was alone most of the time. He doesn't remember any sexual abuse, but certainly there was physical punishment and outright emotional neglect.
Surely he has attachment and intimacy issues. We've talked about it. He knows it.
I get all this. I've always known about it.
THIS IS WHY I ACCEPTED SO MUCH OVER THE YEARS.
His cheating on me was the final straw after I made concessions out of love and understanding, on things I would have liked to be different. I felt like I was the one paying...all along. And now he wants me to continue to pay. At least that's what it feels like.
He knows he has "issues", is pretty clear on what they are, and that they ruined our marriage.
I would love for him to be brave and finally face things head on.
---GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
