1st post. Long but please read, help!

[Zues126]

Thanks 25. You provide so much good feedback I'm thrilled to have you keeping up on my posts. I got a reply to my email: "thanks." Par for the course.

Yes, this was a big breakthrough moment for me. In the past I've gone to one of two extremes. Either I'd let it cut my heart out and apologize extensively to try to make her stop being angry with me...or I'd roll my eyes and dismiss what she was saying because it seemed so disproportionate. Now I'm trying to walk a middle ground of not letting her reactions hit me as hard emotionally, while still honoring her feelings underneath. Not just the surface issue of the mug, but how this symbolizes her feelings of hurt and neglect in the R.

And let me tell you. It does help to let to a bit. This would've really hurt me before. But I just get she's going to be dripping with scorn for a while and I need to focus on me. Although I have a bad sense of humor and part of me wanted to send back "yeah, I know what it means to lose something with a lot of memories. You lost a coffee mug. I lost my house. It's been pretty tough on both of us..." But that's just a joke for us DB'ers, I'm not comparing pain for a minute and know she has hurt deeply for a long time or we wouldn't be here. I assure you I regret my part of it and don't even pretend to understand just how much pain I caused.