Wife dropped the bomb; doing in house separation

[HopeTex]

Just booked my first session with a DB coach. (And booked my scuba lessons; and looked into dance lessons; busy day of GAL!)

I have read some good posts on this forum about this topic, and I will def ask my new DB coach: the balance between healthy detachment and beging cold/isolated. I worry about the W viewing my detachment as me becoming cold/isolated again. Our basic R history is that I was pretty cold/isolated early in our relationship, then started going to therapy and dealing with internal issues and went to the other extreme (needy, pressuring, controlling, pursuing).

I know I need to practice and achieve healthy attachment. I am just worried that W will see it as me just totally cutting off from her again, as me basically giving up on R and emotionally moving on. Like I am only capable of either being smothering or isolated, with no in-between.

I suppose there is no easy answer to this dilemna. I absolutely have to pursue and achieve detachment, that is probably the most important thing for me right now. But I suppose that if I achieve truly healthy detachment, she will also see me connecting to her and validating her if/when she does reach out to me?