Saving my family - Part 13

[Scorp7]

My W and I own the property jointly.

We had the home built and it was completed in early 2012.

The value of the property is roughly 750000. It would be worth more if the basement was finished, landscaping was completed, etc etc.

I have been paying all of the mortgage and taxes on the property since it was built.

Here's another issue. If she stays in the other province I am forced to pay for another place to live there once my kids are back in school in September. I used our RV for May and June which was fine. That will only work for September and part of October as it will be too cold after that. Then I would need to rent an apartment plus play for our acreage as well as sending her support for our kids (even though we have 50/50 custody I am still required to pay her support since I make a lot more money than she does).

[Wonka]

You cannot "force" someone to do something they don't want to do, Scorp.

I'd put this to W in a neutral way and ask what she would like to do in regard to the property. Get her thoughts and input on this matter. Avoid trying to weasel your agenda into the discussion. Zip it. Hear W's thoughts and she may have some suggestions to think about.

Just state the facts and show her hard data. Then ask what she would like to do about this.

[Scorp7]

I had recently tried to ask her for her thoughts on our financial situation in general and didn't get very far. I laid things out in very broad simple terms and then asked her if she had an ideas on how we might deal with things. Her only response at the time was she didn't have any ideas.

[Wonka]

I see what the problem here is.

You're are taking a scattershot approach by talking about the "financial situation in general" which is a form of pressure on W. It's too much and I suspect that it may be a tactic to temp check.

You do need to talk about one topic here: property. Nothing more.

Don't bring up mortgage, bills, insurance, whatnot.

Make sense?

[Scorp7]

I agree, if I just ask about our property and nothing else that may be best. Keep it as straight forward as possible.

[Scorp7]

There is part of me that thinks there is no point in asking my W to move back to my province, simply because I would be shocked if she actually agreed to even consider it.

I feel I need to ask anyway, due to all of the issues we're facing financially as well as for the long term benefit of our kids having her back in my province makes the most sense.

Do you all think I should ask?

I am meeting with her to pick my kids up tomorrow night, hopefully we can sit down and talk like we have been each week.

[Drew]

Do you all think I should ask?

No.

Lay out the financial facts and ask her what she thinks should be done.

[Scorp7]

I could say "the house hasn't had any interest, if it continues that way for the next year what should we do?". Also I could add "my staying in your province with the kids will cost more money that we don't have, do you have any ideas on that?".

[Scorp7]

Maybe I shouldn't say anything about waiting for a year to sell the house and just leave it at "if the house doesn't sell". If we basically gave it away it would sell but I don't think she would want to do that either.

As others on the forum have said about their WAS, it seems like I don't know who my W is. Maybe I never did know her and she was simply trying to be what she thought I wanted her to be. Apparently she is now cheering for her home province's football team, lol. When we were together she said she hated that team and cheered for my team, lol. Might be a minor thing and yet it does seem to show she will morph into whatever she needs to be to please whoever she's with.

[Barrybran]

I like Drew's idea. Give her the facts and let her figure it out for herself. Is your child support fixed or is it an agreed sum between you and W?